Shawn Walker's Blog: Foggy Week

October 10, 2002

Foggy Week

So far, this week has been fairly foggy. Though there are many moments of extreme clarity and joy. I arrived back from Las Vegas on Monday morning (12:15AM). On Monday, I started the process of getting the estate settled. I have retained the services of a lawyer, so this should make my life a bit easier.

In Las Vegas, my family is being their normal greedy selves. Their first priority is to get as much money as possible from my mother. Even after her death!

She should arrive in a small box sometime next week, so that will be a somewhat odd event. I am not sure were I will put her ashes, but I am going to try and not shake the box.

I did go back to school, but it is more of a hit or miss affair. Sometimes, I feel like I am just wondering around in a fog. I have extreme clarity, but not too much motivation right now. Sometimes I can go to class and other times, I just have to leave campus.

Jeremy has been awesome. I really, really hope that this turns into something true that lasts more then two weeks/a month! Elyse, Jordan, Deb, & Jean have been great as well. They are there when I need them and also give me the space when I need that.

There have been some great people in CG also. I am trying to figure out if I should resign from the board. Not sure if I have the energy to devote to me, CG, school, work, and the Youth Summit... Who knows what will happen.

Also, I finally sold my computer! Now I will be able to eat and pay my bills! :)

I am trying to get back to my "normal" (whatever that is!) life, but everything has changed on me again. I will never be the same, but I have to work, finish school, and have a full life. My mother would want that at the least. I know that she was always proud of me and I want to keep it that way. Because of her, I have a very special perspective on life. Thanks mom... I still miss you!!!

Posted by shawn at October 10, 2002 07:39 AM

Comments

Darling,

Your foggy week will probably turn into a foggy month(s). You're experiencing grief and unfortunately that doesn't follow a schedule . You had to spring into action when you received the news and you ran on adrenaline getting everything done that needed to be done. You still don't have any sense of closure on what you want to do to memorialize your mother. When that is all decided and over, you will be able to breathe a little easier and things will take on a new normal for you.

Until then, lean on your friends...we all love you.

deb

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