Shawn Walker's Blog: Five down, one to go

May 08, 2003

Five down, one to go I just finished my Calc IIB exam. Umm, it SUCKED in a major way. To put it nicely, I bombed it. Did I mention that it sucked? Now it is time to get back to my regular life and take a brake for the summer. Hopefully with the change in subject matter and the break over the summer, I will be ready to actually apply myself to school full-time and my heart will actually be in it. Even though I actually paid for the entire semester, it was a learning experience for me. I attempted to take 18 credit hours and did not realize what kind of effect my mom's death would have on my life. I was in denial about my study habits and that just getting through the day would require massive amounts of energy. So, in the end, I am responsible for how I did this semester. Not too proud of how it turned out, but then again school wasn't my first priority. Starting to come to terms with what the loss of my mother means to me is my first priority. This includes finding a new "normal" way of life and continuing to open myself to my friends, family, and Jason. The only way for me to get through this time is going to be to just go through it and actually allow myself to feel everything that I need to feel. Not letting it out would be a big mistake. At the same time, expressing these feelings is would of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I just gotta say, mom, I miss you so much. Happy Mother's Day and Birthday wherever you are. Posted by shawn at May 08, 2003 08:36 PM

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