I was sitting on the couch in the living room a few minutes ago when I heard this spine chilling screech from one of the cats. My first thought was that one of the cats hurt themselves. So, I got up to check it out. Well Muffin was freaking out by the dining room window. The possibility that someone was outside the window then entered my mind and I freaked out for a few minutes. After cowering in the corner for a few minutes, I got the balls to go and look out the window. Some poor cat had decided to sit on the windows sill. Muffin scared it away, but my arteries are clear now and my pants aren't!

I just finished eating curried potatoes for breakfast. Apparently, I was a little too excited about the red curry paste because I ended up putting in WAY TOO MUCH. Now that my sinus are clear, the world is full of smells.

On a local note, th weather here kind of sucks. Last night it was EXTREMELY windy and cold.

I am now the proud owner of two credit cards and both have a $0 balance. All of my other lines of credit have been paid in full and closed. -- Yeah for me!

It still feels kind of odd to be spending so much of the money that I received from my mom's annunity on paying off my debt. I know that is what she would of wanted me to do, but I am extremely mindful of every dollar that I spend. It might seem like a bunch of money to some people, but no amount of money would be a fair trade for my mom's life. I would go into massive amounts of debt if that would bring her back. I know that it wouldn't, but the money that I did receive is of little consolation.

The two vices that I did give into are a new 17" PowerBook and a new 17" Flat Panel display for my PC. -- Yes, I have started using my Windows XP box a bit more... Sorry, but my iBook is just a BIT too slow.

On another note, I purchased my airline tickets to San Antonio this afternoon. It was only $255.00 round-trip direct from Cincinnati. I leave on the 16th of April and then come back on the 20th.

Life has been both interesting and a bit sad at the same time. As I have cleared out the weeds in my life, I am now left to fact the actual fact that I do have feelings and boy are they strong. I'm not saying that I was ignoring the fact that I had feelings, but I was supressing a lot of the feelings of grief and sorrow that I have for my mother. My life kind of feels like I am walking through a tunnel made of glass. Some moments, everything is smooth or at least not too painful. Then there are other moments when the word is like walking through a series of broken windows. I get scratched up and bleed for a while. These are the days when it is hard to get out of bed or continue to go to class. I just want to go home and crawl into bed because sleep seems to be the only to escape the intense pain and the black, empty void of lonliness. It comes in waves. Sometimes staying what feels like an eturnity and then leaving as quickly as it came on.

Yesterday, Jordan and I went to the gym to play a few games of racquetball (I won BOTH games!). Jordan managed to lock herself out of her house, so we got to break into her house. First we tried to get the key from the neighbor's house, but she couldn't find the right one. So, we managed to remove the screen from one of her front windows and then I got to climb through the window, land on the couch, and then flip on to the floor. It was a total riot!

The pictures above were taken while Jordan was attempting to get the screen off. They look more dangerous then they really are because they were taken with the camera in my cell phone.

I should be studying for my Abnormal Psych test, but:

Gay Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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pure


What's YOUR sexual fetish?
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You are a Dubliner.


What's your Inner European?
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Innocent


What's your sexual appeal?
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Romantic movie! You probably won't star in a porno
anytime soon. You seem to be really into the
whole "love" thing...romantic sex
with perfumed sheets and candles all over the
place. You're probably a hopeless romantic. You
value sex and respect your partner too much to
do anything like porn. AWWWWWW! <3


What kind of porno would you star in?
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Jude Law: you like them romantic and British with
beauiful green eyes.


Which guy are you destined to have sex with?
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Well, if Nick is going to publicly bitch-slap me, then I feel that I at least have a right to respond. Honestly, I would rather be at the dentist having a root canal but some thing just have to be done.

Note that the following is in reference to the following entries in his blog (eJournal): Chasing Amy, Futile and "Just Friends" Bullshit.

History:
Nick and I dated from December 31, 2002 to January 21, 2003. During that time, we spent massive amounts of time talking on the phone and also spent most weekends together. We were pretty open and honest with each-other. During the last week, Nick told me that he loved me. This kind of slapped me in the face and I sat down to take a hard look at how I felt about him. I came to the conclusion that I enjoyed spending time with him, but I wasn't in love with him. In my heart, I just did not feel that we would be together for a long period of time. So, on the night of the 21st, I told Nick that I didn't feel that we should date anymore. I wasn't saying that I didn't want to ever see him again. I still wanted him to be a part of my life, but I just didn't feel that a romantic relationship was in the cards. If he didn't want to speak to me for a while or ever again, I understood that. Instead, he took it was an erie calm.

Over the next week or so, we chatted a bit and he asked me about the possibility of trying again, and I told him the same thing. I just didn't have romantic feelings for him. He pushed a few more times until he asked me to reconsider on Thursday night. His question went something like if I had not used the "l" word, would we still be dating or would we have ended up in this spot. My response was "eventually, yes". His response was that he couldn't be friends with me and that this would be the last time that I would hear from him. That wasn't my desire, but I told him that I would respect his request.

Well, last night I received an instant message from him. I asked him if he was ok because I wasn't expecting to hear from him. Again, he asked me if I would reconsider and I told him that I didn't want to date him, but over time I would like to be friends with him. I kindly asked him to take some time to think about some of the statements in his Chasing Amy entry. I personally, do not feel that I am his other half. We only dated for 3 weeks. How can you know someone that deeply after only 3 weeks? I also believe that in order to be in a relationship, I must feel fairly complete and that I cannot look to other people to make my life complete.

Throughout our entire relationship, I feel that both of us have been open and honest. I did not lead Nick on and have been open and honest about my feelings throughout the entire relationship. Nick was also open and honest about his feelings. I just don't feel that it is fair for him to drag me through the mud and say that I am using the "just friends" excuse so that I can feel superior or make myself feel better. I'm not saying that I am perfect by any means. I committed to the relationship too soon, but I attempted to right my mistakes as soon as I came out of my fog and infatuation.

So, I would like to be friends, but if that is what Nick is willing to do. Either way, I wish him the best of luck in the future.

Tonight I went to Newport on the Levy to see Antwone Fisher. I cringed, cried, and laughed. The movie is excellent. I would suggest that everyone go see this movie.

This afternoon, Jean and I attempted to fix the leaking bathroom sink. Well Jean did most of the work. I just went to the hardware store and helped out a little bit, so I don't feel any more manly then I did before the entire project started.

For some reason, I find it extremely intimidating to do any repair work that requires more then the tightening of a few screws. Deep inside I have this fear that if I attempt to fix something, it will end up costing me hundreds of dollars because I will screw it up and require some sort of professional to come in to clean up my mess. In the end, fixing the sink only required the replacement of two springs and only cost a total of about $1.90. That is somewhat ironic because the leaking water probably cost me many times that amount. Maybe I will attempt to fix something a little earlier next time.

In other news, Jordan is buying a Dell and moving to the dark side. -- I know Dell has a website, but I work for Apple and therefore refuse to link to Dell. Yeah, it sounds stupid, but I am making a point.

Also, I am now using an iBook full time. It is a bit slower, but the small size is somewhat nice. For some reason, I have an odd feeling that a 17" PB will just end up being too big for me and I will want to go out and buy another 15".